Anne Paluch grew up in Green Bay in what she describes as a “Ward and June Cleaver family.”
Anne had five siblings including four sisters who all became stay-at-home moms that lived in close proximity and were closely connected.
Life was idyllic until that fateful day on August 7, 2005 when Anne’s sister, Jane, along with her husband, David, and their daughter, Amy, were murdered in their town of Mountain camping trailer in Oconto County.
Anne’s world came crashing down under the weight of a horrific domestic crime committed by Amy’s estranged husband, David DeBauche, who gunned down his wife and her parents in cold blood.
"We knew the situation was dire,” Anne recently recalled. “We knew guns were involved, We knew he was a control freak. We knew it was serious and it could escalate, so it wasn’t anything out of the blue. But for it to actually happen … we were just normal people. How could this happen to us?"
Anne, who has been attending Green Bay Community Church since early 2017, remembers getting a call at 2 in the morning on the night of the murders. “The horror of that call in the middle of the night is very, very real,” she said. “I was just screaming. I don’t think there could have been anything worse than that."
Anne’s life began to spiral as she dealt with the shock, grief and depression that followed.
“I needed to go on medication,” Anne said. “My husband and I went to counseling. I started smoking after 23 years of quitting. It was hard to concentrate.”
There was some sense of relief for Anne when the killer, who had a history of domestic abuse against his wife in the 12 years they were married, went to trial in 2006 and was found guilty of three counts of first-degree murder. He was sentenced to three life terms and is spending the rest of his days at Columbia County Correctional Institution in Portage.
But for Anne, the pain of losing her precious sister Jane and her family members in such a brutal fashion didn’t go away quickly. At the funerals for the three victims the caskets were closed because the killer shot each of them in the head.
Anne and her husband dutifully attended every court appearance, where they were sickened by the sight of the killer. “We showed up for everything,” Anne said. “So every time there was another hearing, here we go again. I just wanted to physically hurt him.”
Anne had to look away when graphic pictures of the victims were shown in court. Due to a technical glitch, Anne was spared having to hear the frantic 9-1-1 call her sister placed before she was killed.
At the sentencing hearing in July 2006, Anne didn’t hold back when she had the opportunity to speak to the killer in court.
“Why didn’t you kill yourself,” Anne said at the hearing, which was reported in the Green Bay Press-Gazette. "You are a monster. Your children are better off without you. The world is a safer place without you.
“I hope you never feel light, love or happiness or beyond. I hope you implode. I hope you truly become mentally insane.
“I hate what you did and I hate you. You have left a hole in my heart, but you have not ruined my life nor have you destroyed my faith in God or my spirit.
“You are nothing. You are absolutely nothing … and I hope you rot."
“I am happy you will never be free again. I hope every day for the rest of your human existence you remember the evil, heinous things you have done and the monumental sufferings you have caused so many, many people.”
Those were heart-felt and understandable words from a grieving sister. Her angry words were broadcast all over the media. Her anguished picture was plastered on the front page of the newspaper.
Those were dark, difficult days. “I was so tired of crying,” Anne recalled. "It was like being in a washing machine. It was very difficult to listen to (the killer’s) lies in court. My husband and children were watching me suffer.”
For Anne, forgiveness wasn’t an option back then.
“I was a zombie for several years,” she said. “I couldn’t pray, function or do my job well. I was entangled in grief, anger and hatred. A severe case like this of hatred affects you not only spiritually but it affects you mentally and physically. You can’t think correctly or take care of your body.”
After the murders Anne discovered a personal relationship with Jesus, something she never had before. During the ordeal she never blamed God.
“I was never angry at God,” she said. “This was not a God thing. This was a man’s evil-ness.”
About three or four years after the crimes Anne determined that although she couldn’t personally forgive the killer, she would give it over to God. Eventually she discovered that wasn’t enough.
Anne was attending Heartland Church in the Green Bay area, about eight years after the murders, when she heard a sermon on forgiveness. The pastor said you have to forgive your brother. “I fell apart,” Anne said. "I was sobbing. How can I possibly forgive this person and be a Christian? I went home and was a mess for two or three days.”
The sermon in some ways was like a punch to the stomach. “It took me right off my feet,” she said. “I thought, “Give me a break. I did not sign up for this. Haven’t I been through enough?’"
But the Holy Spirit was working on Anne’s heart. It took a long time, but she concluded that the killer was narcissistic, which is a symptom of mental illness, which helped her to forgive him.
“I wasn’t going to phone him, write him or go down and talk to him,” Anne said. “God knows in my mind and heart that I forgive him.”
Anne said she has found peace through the forgiveness process. “You are able to heal,” she said. "You are healing spiritually, you are growing deeper in your faith, you are taking care of your mind and you are not entangled.”
That’s a message Anne wants others to hear so they don’t have to remain enslaved and weighted down by bitterness and hatred, which can stem from far less significant things than murder.
“It doesn’t take a triple homicide to find hatred toward people,” Anne said. “It happens every day to every person. How they handle it is their choice.
“I think I can relate to the smallest amount of hate and animosity toward coworkers, neighbors and in life in general. When we carry this baggage of anger and hatred, it just will either make you stronger or it will devour you.”
Anne said to become stronger, you must find it in your heart to forgive. And the only way that can happen is by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“When bad things happen to good people there is a reason for that,” she said. "You will learn from that and be able to help others. You hear it all the time about a horrendous situatution and something good comes out. That’s not a coincidence. That’s a God thing. That’s the Spirit working.”
And if people can’t find a way to forgive? “It will ruin their lives,” Anne said. “It will consume them forever.”
Anne encourages anyone struggling with forgiveness to get counseling and find a mentor and ask people for prayer.
“You have to take care of your body,” she said. “You have to take care of your mind. You have to take care of your spiritual life. You have to find someone in your faith community — a mentor, pastor or leader.”
What would Anne say to her sister’s killer now?
“I would tell him that it has taken me a long time and a lot of prayers, but I do forgive him. He is a human being. He is a creation of God just like me. God loves him. I’m flawed. (The killer) is flawed. If God can forgive him — and that’s what God teaches us in the Bible — we have to forgive. That would be the end of the conversation.”
Anne has gained perspective on life through her ordeal. “So much of our life is not important,” she said. “Some people think a bad day is getting a flat tire. The daily little trivial things don’t matter. With my growth in my faith, that means everything to me. That is the most important thing in my life. I don’t think I would have gotten there if it wouldn’t have been for this. There was a reason this happened. It wasn’t coincidental.”
It doesn’t mean the pain has disappeared. “You just want to talk to her,” Anne says of her sister. “If you could just talk to them. That’s when I really miss her, especially when we quilt. Jane was a really good quilter. I say to myself, “Jane, you are supposed to be here.’”
Anne says things aren’t the same as they were more than a decade ago when the murders were committed.
“My life is different, but more in a positive way than a negative way,” she said. “My faith has grown. I could see how this situation could totally devastate a person and you wouldn’t be able to move on with your life. I hate to sound cliche but the saying, 'When one door shuts, God opens another door,’ it’s true. It just is true. Why do bad things happen to good people: They happen to good and bad people. It’s what you make out of it.
