In 2016 Shaun and Leta Jacquet shared the difficult road they endured in their marriage. The fact they stayed together can only be attributed to God's transformational power.

by Mike Vandermause on January 20, 2016

From the world’s perspective, Shawn and Leta Jacquet’s marriage should have ended years ago, another in a long line of divorce statistics. Yet despite facing incredible odds and searing pain, they somehow survived together to tell a story of God’s redemptive power in their lives. They talked about their difficult journey during services on Sunday, January 17 at Green Bay Community Church.

Growing up

When Leta was born in California her mother was only 15 years old. “I didn’t feel like my mom loved or cared for me,” Leta said. “She never gave me love and encouragement. I never felt valued."

Her mom has been married five times and Leta became convinced she would follow that same pattern and be married more than once.

“I felt so unloved in my childhood that I searched for love in the wrong places, from boys and men,” she said.  

Although Leta gained legal emancipation from her mother at age 16, she wound up moving with her mom to Wisconsin around age 20. As for her faith growing up, Leta said: “I don’t remember going to church ever."

Shaun grew up in Ashwaubenon and calls his childhood tough. “My dad was an alcoholic and drug abuser,” he said. “I learned early on how to survive. My survivor mechanism was to numb myself. I turned to drugs and alcohol at a young age.” Shaun also learned from his dad what it was like to live a double life. In order to spend time with his mostly absent father, Shaun promised to abide by a motto he now detests: “What happens with the boys stays with the boys.” His dad would take him to bars, and Shaun was also exposed to his father’s womanizing. Yet he was sworn to secrecy and couldn’t tell his mother anything. “I learned early on how to live two parallel lives because my dad did,” Shaun said.

Shaun went to church regularly growing up but viewed God as someone having a lot of rules and expectations that he couldn’t meet. “I didn’t think God wanted much to do with me,” he said. 

Getting married

A week after moving to Wisconsin Leta met Shaun and they eventually married. Looking back, both agree they brought a lot of baggage into their marriage. 

Leta didn’t want to follow the pattern of her mother. “I was determined I was going to do things the right way,” she said. Her two biggest fears during that phase of life were losing a child and having an unfaithful husband.

The couple had two daughters (Hannah and Kaylee) and a son (Mason) who at birth appeared to be perfectly healthy. But when Mason was a month old Leta began noticing something was wrong with his development. They wound up taking him to Children’s Hospital, where their biggest initial fear was that he might not be able to walk. But the doctor dropped a bombshell on the couple when he said: “I’m sorry, your son’s not going to live.”

Leta recalls: “I’ll never forget that moment. The clouds rolled in.” Mason was diagnosed with a genetic illness and died a month later.

It was during this time that Leta’s faith grew stronger. “For me I was in a lot of pain but was more focused that our family wouldn’t fall apart,” Leta said. “I really drew closer to God.” But she was also "torn apart inside" and asked God why one of her two biggest fears became a reality.

The tragedy turned Shaun’s heart away from God. “When the doctor looked at us and said he’s not going to make it, I’ve never felt a blow like that,” Shaun said. “Everything I had gone through, there was no pain like that. I didn’t know what to do. I was really mad at God. I was so angry.” Shaun continued to excel at work but started drinking heavily. “That was the only way I knew how to deal with my pain,” said Shaun, who kept his drinking hidden from Leta. “I was a master of leading a double life.” 

Leta said Mason’s death left a huge hole in her heart. Leta got pregnant again but doctors determined the baby would have the same genetic illness as Mason, so the pregnancy was terminated. “I couldn’t go through that again,” Leta said. “That was another blow for us."

Discovering Christ

The couple moved to the Chicago area, where Shaun said he continued to spiral downward personally even as his career was rising. Shaun reluctantly followed Leta’s lead and the couple began attending church. Shaun remembers one Sunday in particular.

“The pastor starts talking about God’s redemption,” Shaun said. “He said God not only redeems but makes people better. He also talked about having a personal relationship with Jesus. It seemed like he was talking directly to me.” Shaun said he accepted Christ that day, but more out of anger. Shaun said he told God: “You did all those miracles, good for you. But if you want to do something really special, you fix this because I’m a piece of garbage.”

God took hold of Shaun’s life. “I felt him forgive me,” he said. “It was so freeing to feel that.” But the more Shaun grew in his faith, the more  he felt like a hypocrite. Shaun studied scripture intensively but said he didn’t know what to do with his past, which included a long pattern of infidelity unknown to Leta.

“I always thought we had great marriage,” Leta said. “We had great communication, a great love life. He told me he loved me every day. It seemed like a picture perfect marriage. People would tell us, ‘You are so blessed.’"

Shaun said, “I knew I was forgiven, but I hadn’t forgiven myself. I started praying for a man that I could trust that I could tell all and get Godly advice. I prayed every day for two years."

That man turned out to be GBCC Pastor Troy Murphy, and during a round of golf Shaun for the first time talked about his infidelity, which  led to this conversation:

Shaun: “What should I do?” 

Troy: “You have to tell Leta.”

Shaun: “She’ll leave me."

Troy: “She probably will."

Shaun knew he had to come clean regardless of the fallout. He took courage from the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking on water toward Jesus. “For so many years I didn’t honor Leta,” Shaun said. “I was going to do whatever it took to be different. I’m stepping out of the boat. This will create the storm of a lifetime. I told her everything."

It was painful. "When you look at someone, you’re honest with them, to see the pain I caused...” Shaun said.

The news was devastating to Leta. “I was shocked,” she said. “I was broken. It took a couple days to sink in. My second great fear was realized. I was like, ‘Why God?’"

Finding forgiveness

Leta said she had no patience or tolerance for the shattered trust Shaun brought to their marriage and was certain she would leave him. “I was sobbing in my pillow, devastated,” Leta said. "I told our girls we’re going to get a divorce."

But God tugged at Leta’s heart. Troy gave her a book entitled “Sacred Marriage,” and although she was in no mood to read a marriage book, she did anyway. “The whole premise was holiness instead of happiness should be the goal of marriage,” Leta said. “That was life changing. I wasn’t ready to commit to our marriage, but it opened my eyes and heart."

It was a time of great sadness, but Leta also did a lot of hard work. “It took months and months of intense therapy counseling,” she said.

Through that time period, there was a glimmer of hope that their marriage could be saved.

“The amount of intense commitment she had, that I had in our marriage, is what got us through,” Shaun said. "God was so good about everything. We had a life group we just started at that time and everyone was so amazing. They played an instrumental role in it. We invested a lot of time. Once we learned about our patterns and what caused it to happen, Leta realized it was less about her than me."

As the victim of infidelity, Leta couldn’t help but take it personally and believe she didn’t measure up as a wife. “I had to work through that,” she said. “This wasn’t about me. This was about Shaun’s past, his pain, being broken. … Once I realized this isn’t about me, I could love him in his brokenness. His pain caused me pain, but it didn’t change the fact I loved him. I felt God saying, ‘Trust me and stay.’"

Shaun views this as a story about God’s redemptive power. If he could redeem their broken marriage, he can redeem anything.

“When I was carrying all that guilt and shame, I read a verse that became my testimony verse,” Shaun said. “It brought me through it."

The verse (1 Timothy 1:15-16) comes from Paul’s letter to Timothy and says: Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners — of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life."

Despite incredible odds and difficulty, Shaun and Leta’s marriage not only survived, but now thrives. "Through all of this our marriage is better than it was,” Leta said. "I love him and trust him more than I ever have."