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Destination of Marriage: 9 key points

by Mike Vandermause on May 02, 2018

Here are key points from Pastor Troy Murphy's message "The Destination of Marriage" on Sunday, April 29:

1-Hebrews 13:4 tells us that marriage should be honored by all. Even if you’re divorced there is enough grace to get back up and honor marriage. Troy mentioned his mom continuing to honor marriage even after getting divorced from his dad. His mom prayed for other married couples and for her ex-spouse, even though she experienced hurt and damage.

2-Too many people enter marriage with a consumer mentality that says: Is my spouse giving me the things that I want? But when a couple enters into a covenant it looks very different. It’s not predicated on how you feel. It’s a gift from God that we are to care for and honor.

3-Genesis 3 tells us we are operating under the curse of sin, meaning no marriage is perfect and no spouse will meet our longings. So when we enter into a marriage we will experience each other’s brokenness and flawed nature.

4-In Ephesians 5: 31-32 we see something beautiful about marriage that shows us a reflection of God. When a couple comes together in marriage they have a chance to be God’s reflection.

5-Agape love comes from God alone. It can be demonstrated in the marriage relationship and also among single friends. Whether you are single or married, this blessing of entering into relationships with agape love is given to us by God.

6-The goal in a marriage isn’t to fix each other. In his book Marriage Manifesto, author Kelly Flanagan said we are to step into the messy process of connecting with our spouse.

7-Marriage is not about getting to a destination but rather, how do we take the journey together? When the heat is turned up and you're running out of gas, or you’re in a car accident, it’s about struggling through those difficulties together.

8-Only when you have recognized what God has done for you, then you can’t help but love your spouse unconditionally no matter how unfaithful, no matter how they hurt you, no matter what they do.

9-Growing up Troy mentioned how his dad never said, “I love you,” never watched him play sports or was involved much in his life. That left a vacuum in which Troy said he wanted to be needed. He brought that expectation into his marriage with Tricia and expected her to fill that need. But there should be no expectation for another person to fill the longings we have. Failed expectations result in wrecks, crashes and a search for other things. That is why  marriages can be difficult and don’t always last.

Discussion questions

What expectations did you have coming into marriage?

How did you deal with the disappointment of unmet expectations?

Is it hard to just connect with your spouse in difficult situations, as opposed to trying to fix the situation?