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Fuel of marriage: 3 components

by Mike Vandermause on May 09, 2018

In his Classic Marriage sermon series on Sunday, May 6, Pastor Troy Murphy said there are three components that fuel a marriage: the Holy Spirit, God’s design and submission.

Holy Spirit

*The Holy Spirit is a critical part of a biblical marriage. If you don’t have a foundation in Christ then you don’t have a reason to love the way the Holy Spirit calls you to love. Forgiveness, for example, comes out of the  foundation of Christ. We are to live and walk by the Spirit. The Holy Spirit produces fruit in you, such as love, joy, peace, kindness and self-control.

*Holy Spirit kind of love is to flow in a Christian marriage relationship. That kind of love is called agape love, which is unconditional and is not dependent on how your spouse acts or responds. 1 Corinthians 13 is the so-called love passage in the Bible, and that kind of love only comes from the Holy Spirit.

*When you surrender your life to Christ there is a Spirit leading. You feel a sense of grace and compassion and mercy. The moment you get self focused, you start to feel entitled and wonder why your spouse is not providing you with certain things. It’s unrealistic to think our spouse will meet some of our deep longings. What our spouse can provide is companionship in the midst of our struggle in a broken world in which we are all flawed and sinful.

Design

God created us male and female, but the depth of God’s creation is so much more than biology. He gave men and women certain roles.

The male role is generally defined as the initiator, but this is often misconstrued. Culture tends to define manhood in terms of physical prowess, material possessions and sexual conquests. Nowhere in scripture is this a biblical definition of manhood. Instead, men are to initiate in terms of being the first to display humility, the first to serve, the first to forgive, the first to pray. Men should step up and be spiritual leaders in their homes.

The role of women is to receive, to take in and invite as God would, to love as God would no matter what.

Submission

Women in Ephesians 5 are called to submit to their husbands, but verse 21 in that chapter also calls us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Submission means to yield to one’s admonition and advice.

How does that work in a marriage? Husbands are to be the head of the home, which means they should run ahead of their family and show them what it means to be in love with Jesus. Never does it mean taking charge or power or control over your spouse — this has been abused in some circles.

Practical next step

Marriages need rituals of connection in these seven areas: spiritual, emotional, verbal, financial, recreational, parental and sexual. These are areas where you are intentionally living out your design through the power of the Holy Spirit and working through mutual submission. We need to take steps toward one another. When we take steps away from each other, that’s when affairs occur and couples “fall out of love.”

Winning is not the goal in a relationship. Instead, you should walk through life together in the midst of your flaws.

Discussion questions

What does it mean to mutually submit to one another in your marriage? How does that play out?

Is the power of the Holy Spirit evident in your marriage? In what ways?

What practical steps will you take to make your marriage better?