Monday Musings - “Perception is everything… or is it?”

It’s Monday, July 21, 2014

While sitting in the coffee shop for my normal Monday writing routine I just saw a man that was about 6’8” get out of a Ford Fiesta.  My first thought was, that car is not “right” for you.  It’s too small!  Get a Tahoe or a Lincoln or at least a Ford Taurus, anything but a Fiesta.  I had decided, based on my own perceptions, what was right for him and how I think he could or even should go about it differently so that it would be “better” for him.  Yet he was the one driving and he seemed very content to get back into his Fiesta after he bought his coffee. It was one of the newer Fiesta’s (not the fiesta from the 90’s that were made in Japan and a little bigger than a go cart) so I deduced that this was the car of choice, not necessarily the car of circumstance, financial limitation or lack of options.  He wanted this car.  Obviously, I don’t know what this man’s situation was, maybe he was borrowing it, or driving his son’s car, I don’t know, either way, he seemed content.  Perceptions can be misleading, perhaps even divisive, but we all have our perceptions, both preconceived as well as learned.

In this instance I was the victimizer.  I was the one imposing my own beliefs on this man.  My past experiences and influences led me to have an expectation that it is wrong for a 6’8” guy to have a tiny car and when I see something that contradicts my expectation it creates tension in me, albeit subtle, but tension nonetheless.  

I also have been the victim of the perception variable.  I recently had a conversation that was stemmed from my participation in gigs at The Bottle Room.  My choices were brought into question as to the appropriateness of playing there, the songs that I choose to sing and if a pastor should even be participating in something like that.  I had to fight off my feelings of being judged and really wanted to power up and debate an impenetrable case.  But I didn’t.  We sat and talked about how this was more cultural than spiritual and how my moral boundary of the kind of song I would sing was probably just a step farther out and that created tension.  We talked about our histories growing up in churches and how that informs our expectations and behaviors now.  I confessed that my rigid fundamental upbringing has made me rebellious and how I try to find the loophole when told “you can’t do that”.  We talked about their experiences that informed how they see pastors and how this seemed incongruent.  All in all it was a very healthy, liberating and connecting conversation because we were able to put all of those things out there on the table.  More times than not, we just live with those perceptions and expectations in our heads and don’t get to dialogue them out.  In the end, I was so thankful for their willingness to share with me what had caused them so much concern because it allows me to have more understanding and I hope that they were able to see me in a different light as well with some new perception of my gigs at the bottle room.  

Another story that is born from perception just happened this weekend.  I have been playing basketball at the Y once or twice a week for several months now.  I have become acquaintances with several of the guys.  Last week I was talking with one of the guys after playing and it came up that I was a musician and that I had a gig at the Bottle Room the following Saturday.  He said he would try to come.  In my mind, I didn’t think he would.  Sure enough, he showed up saturday night.  He took a short video of me singing and tagged a bunch of the guys that play basketball with the status “Who knew Bobby could sing!”  

I can’t tell you how good that felt.  I have always been the music guy.  These guys knew me as a mediocre basketball player that was willing to get up at 5:30am to play.  The fact that I sang was a shock to them that they didn’t see coming.  A couple of the guys go to Community so they responded “I knew” in the comments.  Although the perception that they had of me was “disappointed”, it was kinda cool and created more conversation.  In the comments that followed the Facebook status, the dialogue between every one else, I never commented, ended with an invitation to church with service times and everything.  

In both of these stories, perception led to believe one thing, only to be rerouted by the truth.  As the subject of the perceived scrutiny in each of these cases, I feel that I have grown because of the conversations that perception brought about, for that I am blessed and grateful.  

Jesus had a lot of expectation placed on him by his followers and the culture of the day.  For those that believed in his claim to be the Son of God people perceived him to be Superman, or a war hero, or a ninja, or Santa.  I’m sure the list can be longer but you get the idea.  He disappointed all of those perceptions.  But the conversations that were left in his wake of disappointing those perceptions, were life changing.  

If I ever see the too tall guy in the too small car again, I’ll have to ask him his story.  I bet my perception will be radically changed by the truth.  

Verse of the day:

“I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws”  Psalm 119:30 NIV

Music theory Nugget: Silent Influence

I am finally venturing out and recording an EP of some new and old original songs that I wrote.  Yesterday, the brilliant Danny Lueck recorded some drum parts for me.  He makes it seem so easy.  It was a great reminder that there is no ceiling to our musical learning.  There is always something to strive for.  He down plays his ability and yet the rest of us stand there with our jaws dropped.  That didn’t come by playing the same 4/4 riff in his garage once a week.  He studied, he worked, he stretched himself, he put himself in the way of opportunity and has become one of the go to drummers in all of Green Bay.  I know he’s a goofball, but he’s also really inspiring.  After recording with him a little yesterday, I want to get better.  That’s powerful influence, without him ever saying a word.  

If you are still reading this, thanks for hanging on to my musings.  More to come next week.

Bobby