What’s stopping you from diving in and engaging with others?

In our culture, particularly with the onset of social media, many of us keep a distance from other people. But God never designed us to be alone. Marriage is just one relationship God gave us. He also offered the gift of other relationships and called us to be in community with others.

Pastor Troy Murphy explored God’s design for relationships in his message on Sunday, April 8, at Community Church. Here are some key points:

Types of love relationships

 1-Agape. This is the greatest of loves and is mentioned most often in the New Testament. It desires only the good for other people. It’s not kindled by the merit or worth of an object. This is God’s perfect love, which remains constant and unfailing and isn’t based on someone’s actions. Agape gives you the ability to love the unlovable. It’s a radical love that only comes from God.

2-Phileo. This is companionship love and is based on whether your needs are being met in a relationship. If it doesn’t feel good, you get out.

3-Storge. This love stems from a family-type connection: parent, sibling, blood relative. But it’s a relationship that could also include strong bonds formed during military service, or among police officers or firefighters, for example.

4-Eros. This is sexual love. It has self-satisfaction and happiness in mind. In its proper place based on scripture, this type of love should be limited by the bonds of marriage between a man and woman.

Biblical relationships

*God has designed us to be connected in friendship to others. David and Jonathan were a good example in the Bible (1 Samuel 18) — they experienced a deep bond and their brotherly love for each other was unconditional. Other Biblical examples: Naomi and Ruth (Ruth 1: 16-17); Elijah and Elisha (2 Kings 2).

*Platonic opposite sex friendships are possible (Paul and Priscilla in Romans 16) so long as caution is exercised.

*Examples of strong Biblical family friendships include: James and John (Mark 3); Moses and Aaron; Mordecai and Esther.  

Relationship keys

In order to develop relationships, we need to be willing to engage with others, risk vulnerability, be transparent and invest time.

Why aren’t we developing deeper relationships? One stumbling block is that we are afraid of what others will find out about us. Other obstacles include the attitude that we don’t want to be a burden, or a relationship will cost too much, or we simply don’t want to extend ourselves beyond our comfort zone. Relationships can get messy and involve courage to get involved in someone else’s life. (Proverbs 27:6; Proverbs 17:17).

Discussion questions

What is the biggest obstacle you face in developing relationships?

Why is it better to face life alongside others rather than alone?

Is there someone God is calling you to have a relationship with?